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This is another addition to our ongoing series of tutorials and case studies on landing pages that work.

Nicole Johnson wants to get babies and their moms some much-needed rest. She’s packed napping plans, schedules, and strategies into her $37 ebook/consultation package. She’s tried different pricing, Google Adwords, different offers, freemiums, and more to pop conversion, but her results still ping between a snoozy 0.5 to 3%.

She has good traffic, but needs more help getting those tired, sleepy moms to buy. Let’s see if we can’t help Nicole give her sales a much-needed wakey-wakey.

• The Goal: Increase conversion (currently below 4%).
• The Problem: Nearly 3,000 visitors monthly, who show an interest in the free information but don’t ultimately translate to sales.
• Content Marketing Strategies: Various. Nicole’s free Baby Nap Guide is one piece she uses to get users into her email funnel
• The Current Landing Page: www.babynapswell.com (home page)
• Value: $24.95 to $37

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The Maven’s 10-Point Critique

#1 – Your first screen has to answer the question — Why do moms want their babies to nap?

Because they’re exhausted! They want a relaxed, rested child and a chance for themselves to rest and recharge for a few hours. They’re desperate for RELIEF and they want it now.

What’s the deep, realized benefit to your ebook? Your ebook helps break the vicious no nap/irregular nap cycle, makes mom feel more competent and secure as a parent, and makes it easier to enjoy her baby.

So here’s the problem — you’ve got 2-3 seconds from the first screen to get your reader involved in your message. Perhaps they’ve already reviewed the free nap info, perhaps not. In either case, you don’t present them with a rich, emotionally resonant headline. You’ve basically repeated the banner head as if it was a headline. It’s not. At first glance, I also have no idea you’re selling anything at all. It isn’t clear to me.

So be clear. Develop and test your headlines that speak directly to the mom’s emotional environment — Too tired to enjoy your baby? Dread the nap-time power struggles day after day? In just XX days, you CAN turn your pint-sized nap-fighter into a sweet-smiling, nap-lover. All you need are the right strategies and tools . . . and so forth.

#2 — Get personal. Get emotional. Talk to your readers, Mom-to-Mom, in a letter format.

Dear Cranky Mom,

A few years ago, I was just like you. I was a new mom with a new baby that no matter what I did wouldn’t nap or when she did, it was short and fitful. When this kind of stuff goes on too long, even the most confident mom in the world begins to think she stinks at this mom thing. I was sure I was doing something wrong but I didn’t know what to do instead.

Your current copy is factual, but a little bloodless. It doesn’t speak to the heart and the desperation that I know I felt when my kids were little and wouldn’t sleep. If ever there was a problem/solution fraught with anxiety and a deep need for help, this is it. Make sure your copy reaches the frazzled mom with solace and hope that she will, once again, get a chance of closing her own eyes for an hour or two in the afternoon.

Get personal with video. I think this could be very effective for you, especially if done professionally. (I don’t think a simple chat to the webcam would support your value or credibility.) Imagine how wonderful it would feel to “Tired Mom” to have someone talk right to her and tell her that relief is in sight.

#3 — Make the case why napping issues need a $37 solution.

There are a ton of books, sites, products, and even support groups devoted to sleeping issues. I wondered why I needed a special book about napping as opposed to a broader sleep solution. That’s probably the biggest challenge you have to overcome. You’ll want to make sure your copy continues to underscore how the daytime napping problems are different and need a different set of strategies to solve them.

#4 — Show and tell the product you’re selling. Put your first call to action in the first screen.

If you want people to know you’re selling a book, you gotta show them the book and YOU’VE GOT TO SHOW THEM THE TITLE. I didn’t even realize your ebook was called “Mastering Naps and Schedules” until I saw it mentioned in a testimonial at the end of the second screen.

Your cover is very appealing so I’d definitely give it above-the-fold prominence, perhaps working it into the banner art. You also need to give your prospects the opportunity to order at several points in the copy, starting with the first screen. You want one button, text link or other call-to-action (CTA) device per screen scroll. (Right now, it takes me 3 screens to locate the order buttons.)

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I prepared a heatmap so you can see what people look at and what they look at first. Too much attention to elements that don’t promote your message means lost sales opportunities for you. (Free heatmap courtesy of the technology at Feng-GUI.com.)

#5 — Tell me precisely what I will get and learn from your ebook.

Give your readers a bulleted list or two of goodies, and be specific.

• 28 proven strategies that will . . .
• 3 easy-to-use tools that make . . .
• 12 ways to get well-meaning grandma off your back . . .

Etcetera. Nothing strengthens copy more than specificity. You already do some of this. Do more.

Also, take the feature and expand it into its core benefit. For example, “How to get LONGER naps” becomes “10 ways to get longer naps from your baby and more couch-time for you.”

#6 — Emphasize that your system works for nearly all babies and parents.

Everyone, including me, thinks their baby and parenting situation is unique. That’s why you’ll want to make sure your copy reinforces that your system works for nearly all young children — preemies, internationally adopted toddlers, twins, and also that it works for all sorts of moms and dads. Use your testimonials as a way of underscoring this.

Think about personas representing your customer types. Who is this ebook really for? Write out 3-5 ’stories,’ each representing a key member of your core parenting market, and make sure your copy delivers the message, “Yes, this ebook is perfect for someone like me,” for each one of them.

#7 — Establish and reinforce your expertise on the subject. Add a headshot.

Who are you and why are you qualified? That’s another one of the big challenges your copy needs to address. Unless I missed it, I don’t see anything about you. If you want me to spend $XX, I want to know enough about you to think I’m spending my money wisely. You don’t have to have an alphabet soup of degrees following your name, but you do need to reveal something of yourself and background within the context of your offering.

#8 — Edit, edit and edit some more.

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Your moms are tired. Their eyes are glazing over looking at dense, forbidding text in super long paragraphs.

Think shorter, 2-5 line paragraphs. Use lots of subheads and bulleted lists to hook the eye and make scanning and scrolling less like a chore. People only need the science/other background about napping to support your ebook’s information. Don’t give more background than is necessary to help folks make a decision to purchase.

#9 — Test a 2-column format. Load your sidebar with testimonials.

Get the bulk of your “Mom-and-Baby-Tested” testimonials here. Again, edit these judiciously. You want each of these to amplify and illustrate your ebook’s core strengths. I’d also get some pediatricians, pediatric nurse practitioners, daycare center directors, home daycare moms, etc. to weigh-in with their big thumbs-up. Run these short, punchy kudos adjacent to your main copy.

#10 — Simplify the offer.

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You need to differentiate your offers more emphatically with titling– “The Deluxe Complete BabyNapsWell System with Personal Consultation” and the “Standard BabyNapsWell System” — and with better design. I might box these and play them side by side. Perhaps add your headshot into the Deluxe box as a reminder of the relief AND personal attention your prospect is about to purchase.

BONUS:

I’d think about giving your ebook a new title. This is a huge topic for so many parents living in the fog of “my baby never sleeps.”

“Mastering Naps and Schedules” lacks the emotional juice of “No More Naptime Tears: Get Your Baby to Love Naptime So You Can Love Yours” — or something like that. You want a title that clearly, perhaps cleverly gets the point across fast. You want your title to spell RELIEF IS AT HAND.

My thanks to Nicole Johnson for her patience and support of Heifer International. Look for my next makeover in approximately 3 to 4 weeks.

Want to get a future Copywriting Maven landing page makeover?

Got a landing page that’s more poop than pop? Willing to share with Copyblogger readers? Prepared to put a little of your own “skin in the game” for a Maven Makeover? Then follow your click to Maven’s Landing Page Makeover page for all the details. I’m booked for gratis “Heifer” critiques until 05/15/10.) If you’re interested in a private critique/makeover, site audit, or other services, please email me directly.)

About the Author: Roberta Rosenberg is The Copywriting Maven at MGP Direct, Inc. Find her @CopywriterMaven on Twitter.